The Introspectacles

 A Pessimist :  of or characterized by pessimism; expecting the worst; Over and over I have been told in life that I need to be more positive and optimistic. In the process I tried to ignore all the thoughts in my mind that expect worst outcomes only to end up thinking about them more leading to more anxiety. But I have discovered a new way of life to help me be mentally stronger and healthier: pessimism; aka cynicism. I wish I had discovered this earlier; so many years of pointless rumination, anxiety where everyday I get up and try to think of positive things; when actually the opposite would have actually been healthier. Of course, there is right way to do it and a wrong way. Indeed, I am not going to deny the power of optimism, trust, faith all great things. That may work for some people but it doesn't work for everyone, especially people like me who are already in a bad thought cycle from a really young age.  The trick to being a good pessimist is to have a sense of ...

 Adult - a person who is fully grown and developed I've felt like I was coming of age for so long now that I'm starting to wonder if that will ever happen. I think being an adult means that you are perpetually coming of age. At every age, when I look back at my previous age I can see how much of a kid I was. The 'grown-ups' around me can sometimes be so childish with their beliefs and fears. Now I truly wonder what it means to be an adult? Is it simply to be above the age of 18-21? Is it that we now need to bear the responsibility and consequences of every decision we make? Is it to be reliable and dependable and take care of those around us? I guess all of those things constitute being a good adult. Many people around me(my family included) are good at these things.  For me, in order to grow up I feel like I need to figure out the world for myself and trust that I can make good decisions based on that. So much of the hard decisions we need to make depends on our resolv...

  adjective, with no special or distinctive features I am ordinary. The problem with my life is that I thought I was someone special and I assumed people had high expectations of me. "Intelligent, smart, pretty." good at everything I do, that in the end no matter what I did, how much I did, I kept letting everyone down; especially myself. If only I  had realized sooner that I was ordinary, more importantly that it was okay for me to be ordinary, I could have been living a happy life, doing ordinary things without feeling guilty. Now that's extraordinary.