Anxiety

 a feeling of fear, dread or uneasiness

In today's world, most of us seem to suffer from it. It's almost like a little hum in the background of our lives; that minimalist,repetitive drone that just doesn't seize. There are different reasons for our anxieties. I wanted to try and analyze mine and write it down.

My anxiety stems from many directions: a lot of it from my low self worth. I tend to procrastinate more than I should because of a fear of having taken on a task that, subconsciously, I feel, I may not do a good enough job even if I try my best. So I end up not trying my best as an excuse so when things wrong, I can blame it on not having tried my best. Somewhere in me, my priorities are mixed up, I'd rather do a bad job of something and blame it on not having tried my best, than take the chance of doing my best and then finding out that maybe I am not good enough. In my head, I seem to have decided that the latter is a worse option for some reason. And so, after I have procrastinated, I feel anxious about the number of tasks I have pending and need to somehow finish.And while procrastinating, I feel anxious about whether or not I can do a good job. 

The second reason I get anxious is by not putting myself first and by trying to please the people around me. I end up compromising on the things I need and take responsibility for things that have nothing to do with me. Once I take responsibility, I can't back out and I start to get anxious about all the things I need to do. I forget that there are only so many problems that I can carry on my shoulders. Most of the times, when I take someone else's burden on my shoulders, it doesn't work out for them or me as I do not have the capacity to solve someone else's problems. Everyone's problems are their own to solve. 

Imagine a me without anxiety, I would probably work hard to do the things I need to and in the process get better and more skilled and become closer to my expectations even. A 'me' that clearly prioritizes my needs and time. In the end, I am able to give my best to the people around me and at the same time, the people around find solutions to their own problems and are happier for it. All in all, the world around me becomes a better place if I prioritize my values right. This is my view on my anxiety.