Shadow

 In Ursula Le Guin's "A Wizard of Earthsea" there is a tale about a wizard named Ged who before becoming a great wizard fights an important battle with a Shadow that had been following him for many years. When he actually confronts the shadow, he realizes that the shadow is of himself. It takes him many years to defeat his shadow because it was just as strong as him.

That's where I'm at in my life right now. I've been fighting my own shadow for the last 5 years. My Shadow is all the pain, self inflicted and other, that I carry around with me.  

I think of the times I worked really hard and ended up having to start from scratch for no fault of mine. I think of the times when everyone around me was against the choice I had made in life and all I received from friends and especially my closest family(which surprised me) was negativity or a strong force to go on a different path. It's hard to fight against the people who care about you the most in this world. It's the one battle you want to lose.

One thing leads to another, thoughts in your head warp themselves into something else.  It became so much that when I lost what I worked so hard for, I felt that it was a punishment given to me for not working hard enough at my craft. 

But the truth is, I did work hard, I did really well. How can I expect the people around me to acknowledge my efforts when even I didn't. Now I see that it's okay to do your best for yourself even if the people around you don't agree with your life choice. It's important to filter out or even create a distance between you and them (like moving away for a while if you need to) in order to pursue your dreams.It's your life, your dream. Life is hard enough as is, I don't think it's too much to ask that you be allowed to pursue your life the way you want.

This battle is the most important one in my life. I have good days and bad days. When the anime character 'Naruto' faces off with his shadow, he decides to offer it love. To love himself and acknowledge that he had been hurt but it's all in the past and it''s okay now. It's time to look to the future. Will I be able to defeat my shadow and come out stronger and wiser? I feel like I'm almost there.